Update

I hate when "grown ups" question what I'm going to do with my degree. Or what I'm doing with my life. Or the choices I'm making or whatever.

Do I have no idea what I'm going to do with my degree? Yes. None whatsoever. I'm pretty damned honest about the fact that I'm only in to keep from disappointing my mother. And is there shame in that? Do I realize that when I'm not at work I spend the majority of my time at home, alone, either taking pictures or editing them, or on the computer? Yes, I do. I'm sorry, would you like me to stalk people at the grocery store to make friends? Bar hop? Not my thing. And why the heck do you care if I spend time on the computer? I read books, I learn things, I get acquainted with new music. I become inspired artistically. And it's not like I wasn't productive today.

I hate feeling like I have to explain my actions. I just worked way more than I am used to working and it's my day off now, and I'm freaking tired. Is it awful that I don't want to do much? I also woke up with a cold and a headache. So I'm sorry that I don't feel like wasting my gas money to go "hang out" at the mall -where I work.

I'm in debate with myself. I am glad I moved here because of my promotion to management. Its something that wouldn't have happened where I was. But at the same time, I regret putting myself at the mercy of "grown ups" again, at the advice of people who are biased about my life and how I live it. I miss my friends. I miss the familiar, surprisingly. Not really the city though. I am not so low that I'll say that and mean it. And I'm mad at myself for letting my parents influence me so much.

Anyway. That's a lot. Too much perhaps. I once said, and the feeling follows me

"I often feel that I am too much, and not enough, all at the same time."