I am just not sure.

These days I live in introspection. I've decided that perhaps I should try to write more, because sometimes I write myself into an understanding. I can talk myself into one, also, but then you're either talking to yourself (which, if you feel crazy, only makes you feel more-so) or talking to someone who probably doesn't want to hear. And if you do, then you probably don't understand.

I am questioning so many things these days. Well, I suppose I shouldn't say these days, because I am always questioning things. I miss the days of youth and innocence, when things seem more simplified because less is known. The best words I've heard to describe the sensation? "I'm not young enough to know everything." Thank you Oscar Wilde. For understanding. Even though you're dead now, and even though we probably couldn't have talked even if you were alive.

He asked me last night what it is I'm worrying about, unsure about -what is keeping my mind from ease. The only full and simple answer that came to mind was, "Life, the Universe, and everything." Laugh if you will.

I desperately desire someone to talk to with an unbiased point of view, but that's just not possible, I think. We all have a bias. I don't really trust professionals (what if they lock me up?). I don't trust the church. My friends are biased by the little they know, and what they think is best for me based off their own paradigm. My parents also cannot think past what they think is best for me based off of what they've lived of life so far and the things they know. He can't think past what's best for us, and consequentially, him. And God doesn't listen. Or if he does, he doesn't seem to answer clearly. Or maybe my life and thoughts are so small in the grand scheme of everything and infinity that he just doesn't care.

I am just not sure.